Texts

Camp Inigokwa, Feature Film Screenplay, 2007
One day I'll get off the horror ticket, but it's just fun to write. This drops a group of fat kids in the middle of a fitness summer camp. Things only feel dangerous until people start dying. Then they actually are dangerous. Contact me if you want to read it.

No Killing in the Halls, Feature Film Screenplay, 2007
My crack at a high-school horror movie builds off a friend's idea of having a real killer sneak into a haunted house fundraiser. Needless to say, there are dead people and scares, and ways that you may have imagined accidentally dying in high school. Mike Shannon says it has the best ending ever. Contact me if you want to read it.

Apparently, Anthology, 2007
This is a small collection of various writing, quips, and things from over the years. A few pieces on this page may be in this anthology, but a few aren't too, so... that counts for something. Download it and read the PDF.

Headbiter, Short Film Screenplay, 2006
After a few months without ideas, I wrote this script about what I wanted to get out of the movie industry. It's short and would be fun to make, though I don't know if people would love it. Contact me if you want to read it.

Darks and Lights, Short Film Screenplay, 2006
Fresh off the heels of The Animal Within, I wrote this short about a guy who goes to do the laundry and ends up in a web of police, dead people, and one pretty lady. Contact me if you want to read it.

The Animal Within, Feature Film Screenplay, 2006
My first screenplay-- how sentimental. It's about werewolves that live in a small town and the humans who move in. Come on... there's conflict built right in. Contact me if you want to read it.

What's Below the Surface: My Day with Pete Phillips, PPO 2006
I know what you're thinking: You are Pete Phillips-- you spend everyday with you. True, but when I write interviews with myself that are peppered with lies, I do them under the name Barry Coen. It's complicated, but just read the story. I still enjoy it. Read it...

The Tragedy of Pete Phillips, PPO 2006
Occasionally, I do find the time to write ridiculous five-act stories about what it would be like if I were Julius Caesar on the Ides of March (my birthday). Nobody ever wants to be Brutus. Read it...

Polar Bears are Sinking, PPO 2006
Who doesn't love a polar bear? Unless you were mauled by one, you should want to save them. This is about the most political I get when I write. Read it...

An Open Letter to Reeses' Candy, PPO 2005
I've written letters to a few things, like Wendy's and water, but none were as serious as the one about Reeses' incredibly delicious and deadly big cups. Read it...

Eight Steps to Killing a Joke, PPO 2004, Scop Literary Magazine
It seems like the things I throw together fast do the best. Anyway, this is short and obvious, but I still enjoy it because the word poop is in it. I'm not a poop-joke guy, but I think this one's good. What do you think? Read it...

Music as a Constant, PPO 2003
I write this piece for a Personal Essay class. It helped me recount various times in my life. I've been meaning to revisit and add to it, but I haven't found the time just yet. Read it...

Lou Diamond Phillips is My Uncle, PPO 2003
Okay, he's really not, but this story did manage to have at least one filmmaker contact me to get Uncle Lou to be in a movie he was making. This isn't my only sort of celebrity contact from having this site, but it's the nicest one! Read it...

Shorts with Words on the Ass, PPO 2003
I wrote this one day and people seemed to really enjoy it. I actually met new people through this piece. They were mostly women who were embarrassed to admit that they agreed with my points, but wore shorts with words on the ass. Read it...