Pete's great escape number two Number three was Dukes...

Summer sucked giant ass this year. You had your lame blockbusters like Fantastic Four or War of the Worlds, but curiously enough most got C's on their report cards. I say let's forget about Alaska, in this summer of high gas prices, there were more tanks in Hollywood than any where else-- oh, but they were full of crap-- not gas.

MAY
JIMINY GLICK IN LALAWOOD- Well, it never saw a wide release. Thank you Martin Short. Thank you..

KICKING & SCREAMING- In a summer of sports movies, this soccer one only topped the box office for a week-- it was floppy, but hey, they're only kids. They'll bounce back.

THE LONGEST YARD- Pete's sister said it was good. I don't know about that, but it gave Adam Sandler a reason to stay right in the middle-- not too wacky, not too dramatic.

MINDHUNTERS-Future Bad Movie review-- practically writes itself: LL Cool J, Val Kilmer, and Christian Slater all star as FBI profilers. Well, at least Tara Reid wasn't in it!.

MONSTER-IN-LAW- Proof that there is a God in heaven. Pete didn't get to see this movie, however his mom supported him believing that it degraded women by making them seem so catty and psychotic. Way to go Pete's Mom!

STAR WARS: EPISODE III- REVENGE OF THE SITH- The end of a franchise. This is the second time God's grace shined upon film.

UNLEASHED- This'll probably land in Pete's DVD collection, but was it good? Probably.

JUNE
BATMAN BEGINS- Excellent movie. The only way it could crash and burn is if Katie Holmes comes back for the second round.

BEWITCHED- Will Ferrel did alright and Nicole Kidman was solid. It was cutesy and thin. You'd find more complexity on an empty page.

CINDERELLA MAN- Everyone seemed to love it. Way to go Ron Howard.

THE DEAL- You missed it didn't you? You blinked right? Ok, wait for the re-release. Ha!

GEORGE ROMERO'S LAND OF THE DEAD- This is a prime example of the Summer. Minus dramas, everything was extra-successful per genre because nothing better came out. Maybe the end of the season rush will treat us better..

HERBIE: FULLY LOADED- I did not know Michael Keaton was in this or I would've been gentler. I like him, but it still looked like it was pretty lame. Maybe I should buy a kid. Then I could understand what kids movies are all about.

THE HONEYMOONERS- This is great because it did so bad. I liked how it it tanked and I hope they make a sequel that no one will see either. There was no demographic for this movie at all. Old people didn't want black comedy, black people didn't know who the Honeymooners were, and no one else gave a crap. Hollywood-- let's talk a Barry Coen Feature Film.

MR. AND MRS. SMITH- Surrounded by more gossip than positive feedback, this little number had a solid run, but it was shadowed by...

WAR OF THE WORLDS- This was so much better than I thought it was going to be. The story wasn't about giant UFO's, it was about body-snatchers that tried to convince America that medicine was magic-- and the tickets were free! My favorite character was Matt Lauer. Seriously-- you missed a good one. The other summer plague was movies being swamped with hype and celebrity gossip. Let the world rest. I DON'T CARE who's boinking who in Hollywood. You think Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes knockin' boots does anything for me?! C'mon, we already saw Eyes Wide Shut-- and Nicole Kidman is so much more attractive.

JULY
THE BAD NEWS BEARS- This was a great movie. How many curse words can get in a movie without getting an R rating? Watch this to find out. I loved it and suggest you grab an adolescent and have fun with this one.

BROTHERS GRIMM- Came out later than expected, sucked as much as expected, and the genre? How many can you squeeze into one trailer and still try to be about fairy tales?.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY- I enjoyed it, but Pete never got to see it. Everyone in his life is a total wuss and fear the whole idea of touring a candy factory. Buck up people--

THE DEVIL'S REJECTS- Lion's Gate had a winner here. Way to go guys. Apparently the style was much more mature for Rob Zombie, but it got less than friendly reviews. OH-- it was about a serial killing family, no wonder it wasn't a best picture nominee.

FANTASTIC FOUR- Oh I'm still bitter about youthful casting. Maybe you liked it, but I didn't see it and I still don't like it. And a sequel? Jeeze. We're on comic book sequels for the next six years now.

HAPPY ENDINGS- You didn't see it, neither did I. Lions Gate liked limited releases this summer.

HUSTLE & FLOW- Another hyped up movie that fell under the radar for most. Why do they release so many movies if they end up sucking so much?.

THE ISLAND- Holy Crap! Remember how this bombed? Wow. They put a lot of money into promotion too. Well, live and learn, then get a good plot. Believe it or not, this film had the number one reason to get me OUT of a movie theater-- the director also did Bad Boys, Armageddon, and Pearl Harbor.

REBOUND- In a week where there were no family movies, this still bombed.

UNDEAD- This Night of the Comet-esque movie got a limited and poor release. Sorry boys. Better luck next time, on Daybreakers, a knockoff of a SciFi Channel original, Bloodsuckers.

WEDDING CRASHERS- THE gem of the summer. This was a hilarious movie, but I always liked Vince Vaughn anyway. I even watched The Cell and Psycho. If Greg and I lived closer and were lawyers, this could be our life-- oh, and I guess one of us would need to break our nose a few hundred times for the look, right?

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO- This did come out, right? I think I saw a commercial, but did it actually get shown on a screen? Expect a DVD release next week.

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD- Jessica Simpson is a sin against mankind, comparable only to genocide. This film made it to number one at the box office. Then again Nazi's did occupy a greater part of Europe at one time, so what does popularity really mean?

THE PINK PANTHER- You'd think this not coming out was another sign of God this summer, but no, just wait 'til February for this Peter Seller's prequel. You bastard Steve Martin.