Over the weekend I had my first experience with mini-golf in quite some time. I was once a strong advocate of mini-golf (as long as it wasn't referred to as Putt-Putt) and I enjoyed playing a great deal. There's something about the geometry of the situation that makes for a strong mental game and a physical challange that even I can handle. A classic combination of mind and body, coming together to equal fun. How could anyone not love this game?

Over the course of last week Karen and I were trying to support our own sides in a distinct manner. Karen claimed that she and I once went minigolfing before, at Rich's Mini Golf on Wyoming Avenue, along with Alexa. I contested that, though we planned to do so, we did not make it to the place before our plans fell apart. While we all know that my mind is very hole-some, I can generally be reminded of an event with enough coaxing. Once in a while I know something instead of thinking something. I knew that we hadn't made it to Rich's and I was confident in that.

After a week of Karen trying to break down that mental confidence and convincing me that we went, we settled the matter by going (some might say again). Once we pulled into the parking lot things came clear: I still knew we hadn't been there, but I am always willing to say we may have been. Some of you may be wondering if we interviewed Alexa on the matter, and we did, "Hmmmmm its possible." Therefore, she was no help on the matter. She added fuel to each of our arguments. But while we were there I found a new problem with me, an awlays-growing list of concerns from my bad knees to my worries that people might be able to read my mind. This new problem was performance anxiety at the hands of mini-golfers.

Mini-golf, for me, was a lot like peeing in the men's room. To me, there should be an unspoken rule of "eyes ahead." Occasionally someone wil stray away, but you should let them know that they have no place looking at you peeing. Unfortunately, some people look and don't think there's anything wrong with it; furthermore, no one seems to agree with me in mini-golf.

When I came to the course, I came to play, not to be watched playing, but the setup of mini-golf courses around the country leads every player to the reality of being watched while you play. One person plays, and another follows. If proper time is not alotted in between players, then you have players watching their predicessors. This doesn't sound so detrimental, but it really is for me. Not only do I have to worry about doing well for me and doing well enough that Karen doesn't think I'm a loser, but now I have the anxiety of two more: I can't let the crowd watching me think I suck and now I can't have Karen be embarrassed to be seen with me as a result of my awful playing.

Not many people may share this anxiety, but I'm a very anxious person. A duo of guys were following us up acting like Mini-Golf PGA Tour members, but I hadn't been golfing since the 1996 Summer Olympics (no, I wasn't mini-golfing in the Olympics, but they were on TV). Do the math people, that's 8 years out of comission in mini-golf! How can I be expected to do well this time?! Surely that MiniPutt flash game has sharpened my geometry skills, but I've also been free of the Physics Guru Dave Berret for three years, so my weight and velocity is a little rusty too.

I have to admit that the anxiety got the better of me and I took three or four drops during the game just so we could move ahead and pick up some time (plus I would get really pissed at myself for doing so terrible while the two guys behind us watched). Despite those problems, Karen won the game by two strokes and we didn't get to win a free game. I didn't mind so much, in light of my nervousness and poor performance. I got a hole in one once though! Woo-hoo!

So from here, let me plea that you not watch when you go mini-golfing. When you watch mini-golfers it puts them off of their game and no one needs that pressure, especially if they want to look good to their beautiful girlfriend. Air hockey's another story though. Karen beat me in air hockey by one goal too. All in all, I think it's good that we're such equal opponents (equal meaning she wins of course). For one, we got our money's worth out of air hockey by scoring 13 goals in total. Just imagine if we laid down the dollar and scored seven rapid-fire. That would be a total waste.

I still didn't remember our first trip to Rich's, but I'm still trying to. In the end we came to a compromise of sorts in that I acknowledged that we may have come, and Karen acknowledged that she may have dreamt it. Ya see? I'm so good we dream dates. Regardless, Karen's dream came mostly true at Rich's Mini Golf this weekend, and I know when I pee or mini-golf, my eyes will always be straight ahead!